It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and I will spend it as common in a shower of ewe's milk imparted to my better half, in a candlelit room, drinking champagne and looking into the profound pools of one another's sparkling eyes as we ponder our shared magnificence. This will be trailed by arousing rubs, a comfortable survey of Titanic before a thundering fire and wild, enthusiastic sex on a bed of new blossoms.
That is our day arranged, at that point. Nothing new. Yet, here are 20 things you likely shouldn't do on Valentine's Day.
1. Purchase blossoms. They put the cost up you know. In addition, be cautious with your decisions – blossoms resemble watches; it's astounding how revolting so many of them are. I'd preferably put a butt nugget on my kitchen table over a blue chrysanthemum. Also, don't get roses. Roses are exhausting.
2. Engage in sexual relations – except if obviously it's not with your accomplice. In any case it will be something contrary to what is the issue here, ie suddenness.
3. Purchase anything heart-formed. Cleanser, chocolates, cakes, picture outlines, tea packs – and so on. They don't look like hearts – check the butcher's section.
4. Send an unknown Valentine's card. I don't get it. Why?
5. Claim to make some great memories when you're most certainly not. Save that for Christmas, commemorations and birthday events.
6. Propose marriage. Start a marriage with new cheddar, it will end with rotten cheddar. Additionally, there's a peril in accomplishing something since it's sentimental. I should know – I've been hitched twice.
7. Go out for a supper. It's difficult to get a table, and it's discouraging to watch 20 different couples not having some good times as well.
8. Shock her with an inflatable ride. It's simply too emblematic when they douse the fire and let the freshen up.
9. Take a quick trip and see Fifty Shades of Gray. Simply don't.
10. Sling away the contraception and see what occurs. Making a new life isn't actually an activity spontaneously. In spite of the fact that talking as somebody with four kids, I'm not really in a situation to lecture.
11. Make pledges and guarantees of any sort. On the off chance that they're worth making, they are difficult to keep